Monday, August 25, 2008

After the Olympics.....

Been very busy watching the Olympics. Every last second of them! I currently have a crush on Michael Phelps and Ryan Lochte. I wish I could get in the pool and swim. Oh well.
While the Olympics played out here is the status of my RPAO:
1. 8 week follow up.............can't bear anymore than 30lbs until the 10th week. Left hip looks good and unless it ever starts to hurt he sees no LPAO in my near future. That's about it.

2. Started physical therapy. Hip abductor and flexor exercises are killing me. They cause extreme pain and a sharp shooting pain from my outer thigh to my right butt cheek. Switched to crutches for about 5 hours until they caused my underarms to hurt and have giant raw marks.

3. Not much else.

I wish I had known how bored, helpless, sad, frustrating this whole experience was going to be. I've managed to cry about everyday. I'm SICK of asking for help. I'm SICK of not going to the store by myself. I'm SICK of asking for help. I'm SICK of not working and providing for my family. I'm SICK of everything! It's just been a long boring road. Now I have about a week prior to going back to work that I have to bear weight and gait train. I don't know what I'm going to do about that. My OS and PT seem to think I'll be fine by September 22nd, but I'm not so sure because it still hurts to lift my leg. I don't know how I'm suppose to go back to work on the 22nd do stress test, etc. without tiring out. Maybe they'll be nice. I haven't called and told work yet. I'm waiting for another 2 weeks to see how I'm doing then I'll call and inform them of what is going on. At least I have a little more endurance. Today I cleaned out my closet and then did a couple of loads of laundry. I didn't say I did all that in a timely manner but I did it. I'm trying to do all that I can in a day to build up my endurance so that I can survive at work when I go back. Well I'm really can't think of much else right now. I'm sure I will later and will try and write more sooner than the last post.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

So Sad

I didn't realize how sad after surgery could make you. I know I should be thankful that I'm healing well. And healing with no complications (the impaction & no sleep are long gone memories). It's been almost 6 weeks. Still unable to bear anymore than 30lbs and I'm miserable. I'm so sad. I sit around and think of all things not good. I was once diagnosed with depression and on meds while in college. I now focus on good things, but this surgery has made me sit around and highlight all that is not good with the world. My life in general. Why does surgery and not being able to do what you want do this to you? I have no interest in anything that use to make me happy. I love photography. Could care less about it now. It's Olympic time and I usually get in the pool. Can't even walk how am I suppose to get in a pool. I'm just so frustrated and sad. I've cried about everyday for the past 2 weeks. I think I'm depressed again. Why? I swear this is the worse cabin fever I've ever had. I love to read and really have no interest in reading. I love to sleep/nap. Can't sleep regular to save my life. I go in and out of periods of resting really well and then not. Last night it was 3am before I dozed off just to get up at 9am. My hip..........well it doesn't really hurt all that much anymore. It gets stiff and makes funny clicking noises when I turn to my non-operative side but that is doing okay. I'm sick of staring at this walker. I'm sick of staring at these four walls. I'm sick of being stuck around and not feeling like I can breathe! This is way worse than I could have ever imagined. I kept telling everyone and myself that if I could just make through the surgery that I could handle everything else. The surgery was a snap! I know that the Lord doesn't give us stuff we can't handle. I've talked to him a lot lately. I know what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger and I'm hoping this is the case. I would love to get some aquatic therapy. I'm going to try and start something soon. I can't keep sitting here. Last night as I walked to the bathroom I just felt this sinking sensation and felt like I couldn't breathe. This recovery isn't the easiest thing but hopefully through my prayers it'll get better!

Monday, August 4, 2008

A Looonnnggg Day

Today has been one of the longest days since I've been going out. Today I went to my great aunt's funeral (Catholic ceremony), then the graveside and then to eat. I then went to get my blood drawn in Wilson (which is about 20 min.) from my house and then to my house for my daily shower and to check on my pets (staying with the parents now during husband's shifts). I got back to my parent's about 5:30pm I sat for about an hour and then got up to go eat and sweet heavens!!!!! My hip/leg feels like it's back at week 2, not week 5. This is the first day that I have gotten up and stayed out and busy all day though. I'm exhausted and needless to say HURT!! I'm still making small improvements. I can now sleep comfortably on my non-operative side and some what comfortable on my stomach. I am more motivated to get things done. My head feels clear. I am 2 1/2 weeks out from my next post-op appointment. I can't wait to go and get started with physical therapy afterwards. I would love/can't wait to start using my crutches so I feel a little more free. I can't wait to progress. I'm doing well and although it's small steps I'm still quite proud of myself.