Friday, June 12, 2009

Well hello again. Haven't been here since September. Wow how time flies. Well I'm currently 7 months and 3 weeks pregnant. I'm writing because I'm in horrible pain. It's like I've reverted back to 3 weeks post op. i'm having to sit in the shower to shave and get to my legs, I have to get help getting dressed most of the time now. It's just not that good. I've mentioned it to the OB's and OS. They initially told me that there would be no contraindications to a natural delivery, but since I'm really wondering what they are going to do with me. I can't move my right leg to the position to slide my future son out the way that the good Lord meant for him to come out. My OB is going to contact Dr. Olson at Duke and discuss my method of delivery. I'm telling them that it's like a hot poker running down my leg again. I don't think I physically can birth my son the natural way. Not to mention I'm terrified of what the outcome of my hip might be if they do make me deliver the natural way. I wish us women had a choice of how we delivered. I'm hoping and praying real hard they do what's best for me and the baby. I can't afford to mess up my hip and then have an infant and a busted hip either. I was wondering if anyone else has gone through this? I know it's been so long most of bored with my blog, but I'm praying for support for I feel like I'm revisiting my PAO all over again although I'm 12 months out!

Monday, September 22, 2008

First Day of Work

So the first day of work after a PAO and 12 weeks of being at home and taking care of myself feels like I've been BODY SLAMMED AGAINST A WALL.
I'm a nurse at a very busy cardiology office where we stress test and it's a up and down job. I'm so worn out it isn't even funny. I came home crying. My partner at work bless her heart did as much as she could without me getting up, but I'm dying. I wish I had time to work a few hours and then take off. I don't have the luxury of a desk job and I just can't express how exhausted I am and how tired I am. To top it off I had a bottle of ibuprofen 500 tablets...........that's right.......500 tablets. I reached in the cabinet to take some after lunch.............GONE!!!!!! My doctor and the nurse in my place took them all. I would have given an eye tooth for ibuprofen about 1pm today. Oh well, I'll just have to take some tomorrow and hide it in my purse. I would love to elaborate more, but I'm exhausted and so sore that I'm just going to go to bed now. Goodnight all!

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Twas the Night before Work!

Okay well it's officially the night before I go back to work. It's been 12 long but short weeks since this journey that is my PAO started. I look back now and can pull several of my favorite moments and not so favorite moments from the whole process. But, first, I'm currently still in therapy and doing well. I'm walking about 50% with a cane and the other 50% on my own with only a slight limp. My leg muscles get really sore and make funny noises when they are pushed to the limit. BUT..........NO HIP PAIN! I get to go back to work tomorrow for the first time in 12 weeks. I'm a little nervous. It's like starting all over again and it's just nerve racking for me.
As I look back (mist/fog/clouds............)
Well start with the bad first!
Not-so-favorite moments from my PAO:
1 - Husband care taking issues
2 - Constipation
3 - Not being able to take a shower for 14 days
4 - My pastor not coming to see me but once
5 - Loss of independence
6 - the long wait for rehab/and to start walking

Favorite Moments........heck yeah there are some
1 - My parents being awesome caregivers and feeding me awesome meals all summer
2 - spending time with my parents
3 - being out of work for 12 weeks
4 - reading
5 - learning that I freaking love M*A*S*H
6 - THE OLYMPICS!!!!!!
7 - Losing weight

Well it's been a strange/helpful journey. If I could do it all over again of course I would because I no longer have the hip pain and feel that I'm out of the woods for a considerable amount of time concerning my hips.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

A Spider Will Make You Run

Well I have one week until I go back to work. I'm actually getting excited because I can interact with adults again.
The title today is because of what happened today. I've been working with just a cane and weight bearing as tolerated. I was at the beach with my family. I was rinsing off at the trailer and we have these giant spiders in the trees and I noticed a spider crawling up the side of the shower. I screamed, threw the hose and took off running to the best of my capabilities. It was kind of funny when you look back, at least my parents got a giant kick out of it.
I'm now on a cane. I feel okay and am wanting to get back to normal. I drove the other day for the first time (MY NEW VEHICLE) I'm so excited about that.
My legs do hurt at night after using them all day. I do work hard at PT and do as many of them as I can at home. I'm really stalled as to what else is going on with my recovery. My mental state is much better and my leg/hip is feeling so much better overall except the expected soreness and stiffness.
Well not too much more now.

Monday, September 1, 2008

Post-Olympic Depression

Well it's been one week since the closing ceremonies in Beijing and I'm still bored. I didn't realize that these Olympics would get me over the hump that is my slow recovery from this RPAO. I watched everyday faithfully and it let me forget all that is aggravating concerning my recovery. I don't know if it's because it's the start of my period or the fact that I'm dreading going back to work but I'm very sad. I seemed to have come out of my cloud, but have seemed to go back under. I'm sad because the Olympics are over and they were wonderful and it was so fun to watch with my parents and my husband. I'm scared because I realize I have 3 weeks left til I go back to work and I just don't know how I'll do. I'm scared I won't keep up and they will have words with me. I'm scared I'll get tired or sore early in the day and am unable to make it to the end of the day and then have the rest of the week. I'm scared to get back to normal as bad as I want it. Isn't that weird. I've had wonderful help and never have suffered or gone without and I have never let that happen and now I'm scared/sad of what will happened when this is all said and done. I know it will be better and I will look back at everything and laugh and remember certain things. I'm scared at how we will make it financially in October. I go back to work Sept. 22nd, but don't get paid again until Oct. 31st. That's really long with no income. I'm scared I won't be able to continue my PT due to financial constraints. The physical therapy place is charging $40.00 per visit and I'm going now twice a week and that's not even bearing any real weight yet. The front desk acts really unfriendly and I asked about help and they said I needed to speak with the office manager. You mean to tell me that no one needs financial help ????? for my RPAO. ............. Still only bearing 30lbs weight bearing. I sound and feel like a broken record. I'm doing all of my hip abduction/flexion exercises and they are getting increasingly easier and I feel that I could drive now if I tried. I haven't driven in two months. WOW!!! I just want the quick reaction time in case of an accident and I feel that I could do it now. It doesn't hurt at all anymore (except today............cramps are causing some serious referred pain). I can bend and squat pretty well. Just really waiting to bear that weight and go back to work.

What does normal feel like? Life is now before surgery/after surgery. I know it's been very up and down since the recovery started, but I wouldn't trade this time. I've loved certain aspects of it that I'm sure most would find silly. I've loved staying with my parents while Adam is working. I've loved every second of the Olympics. I've enjoyed my time to think although sometimes it got away from me. I've loved reading my books. I've enjoyed getting to know my wonderful neighbors who check on me constantly. I've enjoyed being taken care of. I usually do all the care taking and worry about others.

Well for now it's the countdown to go back to work and I will continue to dream of the Olympics and Michael Phelps and how I enjoyed my time off this summer while I recovered from my RPAO.

Monday, August 25, 2008

After the Olympics.....

Been very busy watching the Olympics. Every last second of them! I currently have a crush on Michael Phelps and Ryan Lochte. I wish I could get in the pool and swim. Oh well.
While the Olympics played out here is the status of my RPAO:
1. 8 week follow up.............can't bear anymore than 30lbs until the 10th week. Left hip looks good and unless it ever starts to hurt he sees no LPAO in my near future. That's about it.

2. Started physical therapy. Hip abductor and flexor exercises are killing me. They cause extreme pain and a sharp shooting pain from my outer thigh to my right butt cheek. Switched to crutches for about 5 hours until they caused my underarms to hurt and have giant raw marks.

3. Not much else.

I wish I had known how bored, helpless, sad, frustrating this whole experience was going to be. I've managed to cry about everyday. I'm SICK of asking for help. I'm SICK of not going to the store by myself. I'm SICK of asking for help. I'm SICK of not working and providing for my family. I'm SICK of everything! It's just been a long boring road. Now I have about a week prior to going back to work that I have to bear weight and gait train. I don't know what I'm going to do about that. My OS and PT seem to think I'll be fine by September 22nd, but I'm not so sure because it still hurts to lift my leg. I don't know how I'm suppose to go back to work on the 22nd do stress test, etc. without tiring out. Maybe they'll be nice. I haven't called and told work yet. I'm waiting for another 2 weeks to see how I'm doing then I'll call and inform them of what is going on. At least I have a little more endurance. Today I cleaned out my closet and then did a couple of loads of laundry. I didn't say I did all that in a timely manner but I did it. I'm trying to do all that I can in a day to build up my endurance so that I can survive at work when I go back. Well I'm really can't think of much else right now. I'm sure I will later and will try and write more sooner than the last post.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

So Sad

I didn't realize how sad after surgery could make you. I know I should be thankful that I'm healing well. And healing with no complications (the impaction & no sleep are long gone memories). It's been almost 6 weeks. Still unable to bear anymore than 30lbs and I'm miserable. I'm so sad. I sit around and think of all things not good. I was once diagnosed with depression and on meds while in college. I now focus on good things, but this surgery has made me sit around and highlight all that is not good with the world. My life in general. Why does surgery and not being able to do what you want do this to you? I have no interest in anything that use to make me happy. I love photography. Could care less about it now. It's Olympic time and I usually get in the pool. Can't even walk how am I suppose to get in a pool. I'm just so frustrated and sad. I've cried about everyday for the past 2 weeks. I think I'm depressed again. Why? I swear this is the worse cabin fever I've ever had. I love to read and really have no interest in reading. I love to sleep/nap. Can't sleep regular to save my life. I go in and out of periods of resting really well and then not. Last night it was 3am before I dozed off just to get up at 9am. My hip..........well it doesn't really hurt all that much anymore. It gets stiff and makes funny clicking noises when I turn to my non-operative side but that is doing okay. I'm sick of staring at this walker. I'm sick of staring at these four walls. I'm sick of being stuck around and not feeling like I can breathe! This is way worse than I could have ever imagined. I kept telling everyone and myself that if I could just make through the surgery that I could handle everything else. The surgery was a snap! I know that the Lord doesn't give us stuff we can't handle. I've talked to him a lot lately. I know what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger and I'm hoping this is the case. I would love to get some aquatic therapy. I'm going to try and start something soon. I can't keep sitting here. Last night as I walked to the bathroom I just felt this sinking sensation and felt like I couldn't breathe. This recovery isn't the easiest thing but hopefully through my prayers it'll get better!