Monday, September 1, 2008

Post-Olympic Depression

Well it's been one week since the closing ceremonies in Beijing and I'm still bored. I didn't realize that these Olympics would get me over the hump that is my slow recovery from this RPAO. I watched everyday faithfully and it let me forget all that is aggravating concerning my recovery. I don't know if it's because it's the start of my period or the fact that I'm dreading going back to work but I'm very sad. I seemed to have come out of my cloud, but have seemed to go back under. I'm sad because the Olympics are over and they were wonderful and it was so fun to watch with my parents and my husband. I'm scared because I realize I have 3 weeks left til I go back to work and I just don't know how I'll do. I'm scared I won't keep up and they will have words with me. I'm scared I'll get tired or sore early in the day and am unable to make it to the end of the day and then have the rest of the week. I'm scared to get back to normal as bad as I want it. Isn't that weird. I've had wonderful help and never have suffered or gone without and I have never let that happen and now I'm scared/sad of what will happened when this is all said and done. I know it will be better and I will look back at everything and laugh and remember certain things. I'm scared at how we will make it financially in October. I go back to work Sept. 22nd, but don't get paid again until Oct. 31st. That's really long with no income. I'm scared I won't be able to continue my PT due to financial constraints. The physical therapy place is charging $40.00 per visit and I'm going now twice a week and that's not even bearing any real weight yet. The front desk acts really unfriendly and I asked about help and they said I needed to speak with the office manager. You mean to tell me that no one needs financial help ????? for my RPAO. ............. Still only bearing 30lbs weight bearing. I sound and feel like a broken record. I'm doing all of my hip abduction/flexion exercises and they are getting increasingly easier and I feel that I could drive now if I tried. I haven't driven in two months. WOW!!! I just want the quick reaction time in case of an accident and I feel that I could do it now. It doesn't hurt at all anymore (except today............cramps are causing some serious referred pain). I can bend and squat pretty well. Just really waiting to bear that weight and go back to work.

What does normal feel like? Life is now before surgery/after surgery. I know it's been very up and down since the recovery started, but I wouldn't trade this time. I've loved certain aspects of it that I'm sure most would find silly. I've loved staying with my parents while Adam is working. I've loved every second of the Olympics. I've enjoyed my time to think although sometimes it got away from me. I've loved reading my books. I've enjoyed getting to know my wonderful neighbors who check on me constantly. I've enjoyed being taken care of. I usually do all the care taking and worry about others.

Well for now it's the countdown to go back to work and I will continue to dream of the Olympics and Michael Phelps and how I enjoyed my time off this summer while I recovered from my RPAO.

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